Mentorless Men

Did anyone mentor you? When you were a kid or as a teenager or early in your career? Last Sunday night at our group, MENtoring MATTERS, the majority said they where mentorless until men with spiritual values showed up in their lives. The fact that so many of us haven’t had male figures demonstrate personal care or invest in our lives when we were young and impressionable is a sad comentary on our society and male culture. But I also heard what changed the relational landscape for those in our mentoring discussion, men with spiritual values.

Toward the end of our discussion a theme emerged, don’t let the lack of mentors in your life stop you from becoming a mentor today! That challenge was said three or four different ways from varying viewpoints. It seemed clear to all that if a man stretch himself to become a mentee and mentor the payoffs would be worth the effort. A new inner personal awareness would develop and God would be honored as you pass on those spiritual values by asking good questions, the type of questions a mentor would ask.

Worship Then Wall-Mart

Today we went Christmas shopping at Wall-Mart! What made it a SPECIAL EVENT is it took place on September 19th and it was part of our house church experience, Worship then Wall-Mart!

17 of us went shopping for the orphaned and abandoned children at Arms of Love, children’s homes in the Philippians. We were buying for 50 kids ranging in age from 3 to 21 years of age.

There were four of us picking out gifts for the old teenage boys. Our shopping team was made up of two teenage guys and two adult men. Jokes about our shopping skills and tastes dominated our conversations but we were still able to complete our task and pulled up to the checkout register ahead of the teenage girls shopping team (a small but noted victory).

When all the charts were emptied from the four shopping teams the total was under our budgeted amount of $1,500, with wrapping and shipping still to be done.

The first attempt, last year, to send Christmas presents to the Arms of Love kids in the Philippians did not account for the delay in shipping the gifts, so they arrived in February rather than December. This year the group was determined to complete the task on time for Christmas.

Other Wall-Mart shoppers noticed we were shopping in teams and picked up on our conversations. Some asked what we were doing. Four guys filling up one shopping chart with 12 part of different size shoes does create some curiosity, puzzled looks and one or two inquiries. The facial expressions of surprise were priceless when one of us would explain we were buying gifts for orphans in the Philippians. Every shopper was encouraging and some even helped the team with finding the right size items.

It was a good day in the Kingdom! God was honored as we thoughtfully did something to recognize apart of our spiritual family half way around the world. Besides, giving, in the end, is always better than getting!

Friends Make Life Worth Living

Today I am appreciating how many friends I have who bring such an abundance of care, support, advice, direction, soothing conversation, concern and prayer to my life. It wasn’t always like that. Not because they wouldn’t or couldn’t but because I was too proud to let them know I had a need.

Learning to be free enough to say what is real for me in the moment hasn’t stolen anything from me. I use to be so afraid I would loose my power to control myself and my circumstances by admitting my weaknesses and my lack of confidence that I concealed them at all costs, or so I thought.

I now know nothing was really hidden from those who slowed down long enough to take a good look. They could read my tension and anxiety. They heard me trying to convince myself with those bold, over-the-top statements of exaggerated confidence. They weren’t fooled. I was the only one wasting my time pulling on my disguise over and over again.

What a relief just being who I am and acknowledging where I am at in a given moment. My friends are drawn to that kind of open honesty. It is like a key that opens up their opportunity to act from their inner character. It allows me to receive them as the loving, caring and giving people they are.

Battery Life of My Marriage

Over the weekend Linda and I, along with Bill and Robin Faris, presented the Intentional Living Seminar at the Woodlands. This was our 6th annual marriage retreat at this 5 star bed and breakfast style facility tucked away in the local mountains.

There where couples attending this year who had been with us before (they came back for more) and newcomers who came because they took a risk and tried something new.

Every couple said the weekend was great!

One of the main reasons Linda and I continue to lead these types of weekends is somewhat selfish. To strengthen our marriage we need time with other couples who are committed to making their marriages better. The hope and power I get from being with men who clearly declare their covenant love for their wives recharges my soul.

As part of my legacy I want to leave a documented history of my commitment to Linda. To ensure that I finish well, yearly, if not more often, I need to be bolstered by others who share the same goal in their marriage relationship.

The charge my soul got from last weekend renewed my batteries to 100%. I wish I had a readout of how much energy was being used, like on my cell phone, so I would be alerted to when it was time for me to be recharged. I can’t afford to let my battery become completely drain of all my marriage relationship energy. If I only think about getting recharged when my relationship stops working I am in big trouble.

Question: How much marriage battery life do you have right now?

Honest Feedback

Last night after 10:00 PM I was Skyping with my P4 guys because our lives are so busy we have to fight for time to be together.

During our conversation the topic of feedback came up. We all agreed we wanted feedback but what we really desired was HONEST feedback we could trust.

Everybody has an opinion and many have their opinions locked and loaded, ready to fire at you whether you ask for them or not.

What helps us most are the opinions of those who we know want the best for us and realize their opinion only represents one view-point in a 360 degree world.

That’s why I fight to win time with my guys. We love each other too much to polish our feedback. The raw truth is what we feed each other.

That kind of diet makes me stronger and gives me power to face my enemies who don’t care about me leaving a legacy that honors God.

A Young Girl’s Legacy

Today I heard about the power of a young girl’s life. If I have my facts correct, she died at age eight. One would think her time on earth was so short only her family would miss her with the rest of us not noticing because of a lack of adult achievements. She didn’t have a list of accomplishments we adults measure as important and would have drawn our attention to her. But she didn’t have time for grownup things.

Her dad said today, “She talked about God all the time.” An eight year old with a message from God challenges everybody to listen because pure innocent lips present the truth.

Her family chose to honor her life by helping orphans. Heather’s House is due to be completed this summer. The house is a needed addition to the family style child’s homes of Arms of Love in Nicaragua. 12 girls will be cared for by house parents who make sure the girls are clothed, feed, educated, hugged and talked with about who that eight year old girl talked about all the time. Some of the girls moving into Heather’s House this summer will be in their teens, around the age Heather would have been if she wasn’t talking with God face to face.

A little girl who knew what was important, who had a life message to share, inspired her family and their friends to turn that message into action. What an amazing legacy Heather left!

At the close of my life I would dare to hope that my legacy would be as clearly imprinted on the lives of others as Heather’s already is and will be.

A young girl built a house for orphaned girls with her inspiring love for God. Most adults haven’t contributed as much!

Pushing Through the Risk Brings Connection

Progress often comes to us packaged differently than we had in mind. For me, sometimes it is wrapped in disappointment, but what is usually inside has the power to change the moment and bring out the better.

I was tempted to be disappointment and give up when I told my mother we wanted to hook up Skype so we could see and talk to each other over the net. She was reluctant to add a new gadget to her computer. But she trusted me enough to go to store to make the purchase of a web cam. It’s hard to buy a Christmas present for someone who has stated, “Don’t buy me anything this year. I’m done needing stuff.” It was very helpful to have my wife acting as a cheerleader, “You can do it, You can do it, I know you can!”

As we worked through the disappointments of setting things up, not getting a video feed, then getting it, then loosing it, then no sound, it started to look like my mother’s expectations would win out and the exercise won’t be worth the effort. When came progress! The laptop was Skypeing with the desktop.

The third time we Skyped with Mom from 450 miles away, she got to speak to and see two of her great grandsons, Toby (6) and Tyler (2 1/2). The payoff had come. Before the call ended she said, “I like this, it’s great to stay in touch this way!”

Keeping senior adults connected to the younger generations is more important today maybe than in the past, because as technology changes the amount of data we process at higher and higher speeds, we need to slow down enough to stay in touch with what and who can remind us of our humanity. Staying in touch with senior adults, now on the other edge of life bring us a very valuable perspective that fills in the circle of wisdom. They help us remember that we are created works of art and valued for that alone.

Conversations With Gramma The Great XV

My mother is 90 and I am her baby boy, now 62. In my last visit I set her up on Skype so we could see and talk with each other. I realized the 450 mile drive didn’t have to stop me from seeing her weekly. I also made a commitment to myself to use our Skype calls to talk about the legacy she is leaving with us. I want to capture more puzzle pieces of her life’s experiences and the values that drive her thoughts and actions.

A few facts:
90-year-old women who lives on her own. Volunteers twice a week. Attends church weekly.
Has three children, all married. Has 7 grandchildren, 5 married. Has 15 great-grandchildren, hence her family title “Gramma The Great XV”.

Q: What was the legacy your parents left you?

Tomorrow I will start my ‘Conversations with Gramma The Great XV’.